“Color Coded” (2022) by Tania Love Abramson, a survivor of chronic sexual abuse, Image courtesy of AMA Journal of Ethics https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org
There are a thousand ways to harm a child. The evidence of child abuse may be subtle or more obvious. To remain vigilant against such abuse, those of us concerned for the welfare of children must learn to recognize the warning signs.
This series of posts will address such warning signs. The signs here are derived from lists compiled by Prevent Child Abuse America [1A]. They fall into 4 categories: neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse. More often than not, these categories will overlap in the experience of a child.
No single warning sign, by itself, is considered definitive. Occurring repeatedly or in combination, however, these signs warrant further investigation.
General
The general signs that child abuse may be present in a family include unusual wariness on the part of a child; sudden changes in a child’s behavior; deterioration in a child’s school performance; and learning disabilities on a child’s part unrelated to an identifiable medical or psychological condition.
But the children of abuse may, also, be overachievers, anxious to please.
That said, we will begin with neglect.
Neglect
Child neglect involves the failure to provide for a child’s basic needs for nurture, nutrition, shelter, education, healthcare, and safety.
Neglect can be difficult to distinguish from poverty. Sadly, there are children in this country who still do not get enough to eat, even in an otherwise loving home.
The warning signs of child neglect include the following [1B][2][3]:
- A child who is frequently absent from school.
- A child who is consistently dirty and has severe body odor.
- A child who appears malnourished, failing to achieve appropriate height and weight gain for his/her age.
- A child who begs food or steals money from classmates.
- A child who lacks adequate clothing for the weather.
- A child who lacks necessary eyeglasses, immunizations, medical and/or dental care.
- A child who has mental health issues like low self-esteem, anorexia, or binge eating.
- A child who abuses drugs or alcohol.
- A child who says there is no one at home to provide care.
The parent of a neglected child is likely to be indifferent to his/her child. Such a parent may appear severely depressed or act irrationally.
Any parent who abuses alcohol or drugs places a child at grave risk of neglect and other forms of abuse.
—
[1] Prevent Child Abuse America, “Recognizing Child Abuse: What Parents Should Know”, https://preventchildabuse.org/resource/recognizing-child-abuse-what-parents-should-know/.
[2] First Cry – Parenting, “Neglect – Causes, Effects, and Prevention” by Romita P, 2/12/18, https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/child-neglect-causes-effects-and-prevention/ .
This series will continue next week with Part 2 – Emotional Abuse
FOR MORE OF MY ARTICLES ON POVERTY, POLITICS, AND MATTERS OF CONSCIENCE CHECK OUT MY BLOG A LAWYER’S PRAYERS AT: https://alawyersprayers.com
ANNA WALDHERR A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse 
It’s horrific to think, than only a minority of the children pictured had their childhood free from abuse neglect or abuse. I only hope, that the others have been able to break the circle.
Thank you, Anna, for another snippet of practical advice.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Hubert. I always appreciate your feedback.
The gratitude is all mine, Anna! If even one child can be spared from those horrors through the information you share, then every moment spent reading and learning has been more than worthwhile.
Those neglected do not necessarily use begging as a way to come at money, quite often they use an aggressive approach, blackmailing or extortion.
I am somewhat confused by this comment. Are you speaking about adults who were neglected as children? Are you basing this on some experience you’ve had? Certainly, drugs — if they come into play — will distort the interactions of those who use them. The focus then is wholly on self.
Sorry for the confusion, Anna. It comes from my own experiences. Back in elementary school, I encountered some classmates who, always short on money, resorted to intimidation to get it from others. Years later, I came to understand how deeply neglected they were by their families.
You make an important point, Hubert. Abuse (whatever form it takes) can impact victims’ lives in countless ways.
My neglect led to anxiousness, over achievement, and self sabotage. I still struggle with some of these, but I’m thankful God is continuing to work on me!
Despite what you endured as a child, you are a woman of a faith and loving kindness. That’s a tremendous achievement, Amber. ❤
A strong opening to the series, Anna, helpful for both survivors and for sensitizing us to the warning signs. I was particularly struck by the fact that a severely depressed parent may neglect their child to an abusive level.
I have run this series before. But all of us need to be familiar with the signs of abuse. I felt, therefore, it was worthwhile to run the series again.
Reflecting about my own life, apart from my skinny appearance and general neglect of my own nourishment (I ate only when really hungry), I cannot relate to any of the hallmarks. My parents were often emotionally drained, distracted by my elder siblings’ (born a good decade before me) struggles, and their own often turbulent, oscillating economic situation (although it cannot be described as poverty).
No childhood is “perfect”. There is a difference between the obstacles we all face and abuse. But there is a spectrum.
Children who are neglected do not receive the physical or emotional nurture human beings need to thrive. They are, for all practical purposes, abandoned.
Typical situations might involve a child living w/ a drug addicted parent or a parent who is severely mentally ill, for instance, schizophrenic.
Such children are thrown back on their own slender resources as early as age 2 or 3, if not before. There is no food in the house, so they eat paint. Diapers are not changed for days. Drug paraphernalia is left lying w/i reach.
These children may be handed off from one relative to another. Many end up living on the streets, if they survive at all.
What you may have experienced, Hubert, sounds closer to emotional abuse.
Forgive me for suggesting that. I do not know you well. I am at best guessing. Only you can say. The label, in any case, is unimportant.
You were fed, housed, and educated. Children, however, need more than that. They need — and deserve — love, attention, encouragement, and reasonable discipline, i.e. limits.
Many elderly parents simply do not have the energy to cope w/ a young child.
Parents forced to work long hours out of financial necessity may be absent whether they want to be or not.
Of course, some parents are so self-involved that children are an afterthought, if that.
Children can sustain emotional harm from such absence, even if a parent is not deliberately cruel or constantly critical.
Because of their psychological make-up, children tend to make excuses for their parents’ shortcomings, or blame themselves. Statements like “I wasn’t really lovable” or “I was an awkward child, not very cute” are common.
Whatever you experienced as a child, Hubert, you’ve made a tremendous recovery. You now have a loving family. You’re a great father, and an honorable man.
It is a pleasure to know you.
Your description, Anna, of children neglected by their parents from as young as two or three years old made me deeply melancholic. Perhaps I’m subconsciously projecting this onto my own children, imagining how they would have coped in such a situation—which is an unbearable thought. These children did nothing wrong; they never even had a chance. Yet, their lives became miserable through no fault of their own. It reminds me of how fortunate I was to have the childhood I did. It was also sheer luck that I met my wife—had I been looking in another direction during our first encounter, or had I decided against university studies, seeing no sense in it, my life might have taken an entirely different path.
As for my own childhood, I can only judge it subjectively, not objectively. But surprisingly, your assessment of childhood trauma aligns with my wife’s. She once told me that, in her view, I was either emotionally neglected or outright emotionally abused. My own perspective has always been different, but one thing stands out as a clear cultural difference. As a child, I had a strong tendency to hug the legs of grown-ups—a natural impulse for me. But in my family, and indeed in the entire region I grew up in, this was considered inappropriate. My parents taught me to restrain myself, as such behavior was seen as a lack of self-discipline.
Years later, when our eldest son started doing the same, I found myself at a loss. On one hand, I instinctively viewed it as undisciplined behavior. On the other hand, I saw how happy it made him, and I didn’t want to suppress that. My wife, however, reassured me that it was completely normal. And later, when we visited her parents in her home country, I saw firsthand how common and natural this practice was there. It was a moment that made me reflect deeply on the cultural differences in parenting and emotional expression.
Somehow, I’ve come to realize just how much I needed those hugs back then. At the time, I never questioned it—I simply felt the impulse and acted on it. But looking back, I now understand that it wasn’t just a habit; it was a deep need for comfort, connection, and reassurance. Perhaps, in a way, it was my way of seeking warmth in an environment where emotional expression was limited. Recognizing this has made me even more conscious of my own children’s needs and how important it is to let them express affection freely.
I thank God daily for having a loving family and I pray for as many people an especially children to have a life and childhood filled with live and happiness.
I feel the same, to have met people like you Anna, who open my eyes and show me the path.
You are a wonderful man, Hubert. It is a privilege to know you. Please, give my best to your wife.
I feel privileged too, Anna, for knowing you. I will tell my wife for sure 🙂 Actually, I firmly believe that everything I am and have ever achieved is because of her 🙂
Such an important article. Well done for articulating this triggering issue with so much empathy and understanding, Anna 🌸😊
Thank you for your kind words, Ada. This is a subject near and dear to my heart. There are so many children in need of love. ❤
Very frightening image. With your permission, I will share it with my students when we discuss characteristics of children with special needs not identifiable as having diagnosed disorders.
Of course. 💔
Thank you.
Pingback: Vigilance, Part 1 ~ Neglect – NarrowPathMinistries